It's Not So Easy
by winecheese
Summary: They stopped dead in their tracks. Jess stood, leaning against her door, book in hand.


Title: It's Not So Easy  
  
Pairing: Literati (sigh)  
  
Spoilers: I don't know, you decide.  
  
Time: It starts at the end of 'Say Goodnight Gracie', and works its way through the 'end' of Rory and Jess's relationship. (Sniffles)  
  
Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned Gilmore Girls, (I don't) things would be a little more tweaked to my liking.  
  
A/N: Read, it. I hope it isn't too boring or depressing. I've always wanted to write a fic like this. It's a one parter. All right, I'll shut up now. Sit back, grab a box of Kleenex, take a deep breath and read. Oh, and review please!  
  
* * *  
  
"So you'll call me?" she asked trying to reassure herself that it would turn out fine. All she ever wanted was everything to be the same again. She knew though, that it never would be.  
  
"Yeah, I'll call you" he replied in the same tone as her own. Without a word, she got up as the bus slowly came to a halt. She stealthily made her way to the door, and took her renowned lingering glance at him. Little did she know it would be her last look for quite some time? She stepped off, subliminally knowing that this chapter in her life had ended.  
  
Or had it?  
  
* * *  
  
He did call. Even if he didn't say anything. This was so typical of him. Always running away when things got a little tough. She cried that night of the call. Not an entire sea of tears, just enough to taste the saltiness of them as they rested on her lips. She thought she was over it.  
  
She kept tossing and turning all through the night. How could she have been so foolish? Everywhere she went, people told her he was bad news. She refused to believe them though. Because she knew that he had a side of him that no one else saw or knew about. A side that he only showed while he was around her.  
  
And suddenly, she became angry. She had defended him and told everyone that they were wrong to judge him. And what did she do it for? So he could just up and leave? She looked at her Hello Kitty alarm clock that stood on her night table. It read 4:00 am.  
  
She quietly got out of her bed and grabbed her robe from its hook on the door. Throwing it on, hurriedly she escaped through her bedroom window. One of his favorite exits and entrances.  
  
* * *  
  
She roamed aimlessly around the town square. Passing by Miss Patty's, the school, and Luke's. Before she knew, she was sitting on the bridge, staring into the water below her, and dangling her feet. She looked up into the sky, wondering what he was doing. Did he think of her often? Obviously he had, as he called her. If only he had said something. She would have been able to let it go.  
  
* * *  
  
Europe was great. Paris, London, Barcelona....all of it was wonderful. And it really took her mind off of...him. Or al least that's what she tried to tell herself. Her mom hadn't a clue of how she felt. She could cover it really well.  
  
Now, she was heading off to Yale. She hadn't heard from him since that graduation. But she was at college now. On the path to fulfilling her dream. She told herself over and over that she had to forget about him.  
  
It was good that he wasn't there, she thought from time to time. She didn't need a distraction. She felt fifteen again, when everyone around her was with someone except her, and she was okay with it. Then she remembered how happy she had been when she found someone. Dean. Poor Dean, she thought. She had put him through so much pain. And now look at him. She had suspected that he had dropped out of Southern Connecticut State.  
  
And half the school year flew by. So much was changing. Her hair was shorter, Paris was with a professor. An old, old, old professor, wrinkling skin, professor. Of course, it freaked her out, but most of the time, it was manageable.  
  
Then, before she knew it, it happened.  
  
She saw him again.  
  
* * *  
  
He didn't see her at first. He was sound asleep in his car. Her heart pounded as she walked stealthily towards that heap of metal he called 'a mode of transportation'. 'That car,' she thought. So many memories of them flooded her mind. She took a deep breath and beckoned her mother to come forward. They started to talk and after just minutes of looking at him and being reminded of their relationship, she couldn't take it anymore. She needed to get out of there. So she did. But subconsciously, she knew that she had to face him sometime.  
  
The next day she found out that he was there to get his car and leave...again. She hated how he had that annoying tendency to take off and never explain himself. He left all the worrying, and sadness to the ones who cared about him the most.  
  
That day he kept avoiding her. They reaction for when they ran into each other was the same. They would lock eyes for a split second, forgetting about the pain between them. Then, he would just get up leave, as he always did.  
  
When they saw each other at the festival, she got to run away first. But he caught up with her. And then she let it all out. Everything she was angry about.  
  
"What do you have to say to me?"  
  
She wasn't prepared for what came next. She expected a smart ass comment. He was so evasive.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. And for just a teeny tiny moment, she felt as if it could go back to how it was before. But nothing could be done. He left. Again.  
  
* * *  
  
Time had passed since the whole "I Love You" encounter. Life went on. She was starting to talk to Dean a lot more. That was something that both of them missed. Apparently, he and Lindsey were having some trouble in paradise. They disagreed too much. About their home, their jobs, money, and, well, Rory.  
  
But Dean didn't care. He kept on talking to her. She was his outlet to vent.  
  
* * *  
  
Just like that, her very first year at Yale was over. Boxes were being packed, Paris and Tanna were arguing, and, oh yeah, Jess was back.  
  
Again.  
  
Going and coming and going and coming. She wouldn't be surprised if she lots count of all him famous exits and entrances. He was back for his mom's wedding. When she went to the ceremony, she gazed at him walking his mother down the aisle. When they reached the end of the lane, he backed off and stood with his hands behind his back. They hadn't talked yet. She wished they would.  
  
* * *  
  
These college parties were never fun for her. It was held at someone's apartment. She came with Tanna and Paris so she didn't bring a car. Desperately wanting to leave, she called Dean, to give her lift back to the dorm. Her mom was working late at the inn that night, putting on the finishing touches.  
  
They pulled into the parking lot and Dean walked her to her dorm building.  
  
"So, thanks for giving me a ride. Thank God you were in the area." she said, grinning.  
  
"No problem." he replied. "I-"  
  
They stopped dead in their tracks. Jess stood, leaning against her door, book in hand.  
  
"Figures" he muttered, at the sight of Rory and Dean.  
  
Rory glanced at Dean, who was breathing heavily, trying to control his annoyance.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked Jess calmly.  
  
"Came to talk" he replied, bored.  
  
"About what?" she exclaimed "About how you just left, for what, the 3rd time?"  
  
"Yeah he was always good at that." Dean put it.  
  
Rory glared at him as if to say 'not the time Deano'  
  
"Hey Dean! Didn't see you there, buddy." Jess exclaimed sarcastically, as if he had just noticed that he was present.  
  
"Hey-" Dean began to say, but he was cut off by Rory.  
  
"Dean, could you leave, please? I need to get things straightened out." she pleaded.  
  
"Whatever. Call me if you want to talk about it later." Dean said, backing away until he was out the door.  
  
She turned back to Jess and looked him up and down. This was the guy who had upset her so many times. It was like he couldn't get enough of hurting her. He always kept coming back for more.  
  
"So you're back with Bag Boy? Always knew you two were soul mates" Jess smirked bitterly.  
  
"I am not with him. He's married, not that that's any of you business. Can you please start talking so you can get the hell out of here?" "I thought we WERE talking."  
  
"Don't, and I mean don't play games with me, Jess! I am sick and tired of this! God!" she yelled.  
  
He nodded at this and paced about the hall.  
  
"I love you." he said after a while.  
  
"This is just what I need! Thank you so much, Jess. For having the worst timing anyone could ever have!" she cried out.  
  
"I might have made some mistakes, you know, but-"  
  
"Jess Mariano, admitting he's wrong? That's a first!" she exclaimed sarcastically.  
  
"Can you just hear me out?" he shouted.  
  
Silence ensued. Rory shut her mouth and folded her arms.  
  
"Do you think I wanted it to be this way?" he continued "I-I didn't think. Leaving was a bad idea, and so was not saying goodbye, all three times. But I came back" he pleaded "Doesn't that count for something? I love you Rory, okay? I have never said that to anyone. Not even to my freaking mother! I love everything about you! You and I, we have so much in common. You're different than other person I've ever known. You understand me, even though you might not think so. Not a single day went by in California where I didn't think about you. You know we belong together!"  
  
He paused and sighed.  
  
"I can promise that things will be different." he moved closer to her and cupped her face with his hands. She started shaking her head. It wasn't going to happen.  
  
"Are you quite finished?" she said quietly.  
  
"No." Without any given warning, he pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her and she let herself be kissed by him. Soon she was wrapping her arms around him. Her mind was telling her to stop. She pulled away and looked at the floor.  
  
"Leave with me." he whispered.  
  
She looked up, into his eyes.  
  
"No"  
  
He nodded. And left. He was out of her life... again. She slowly opened the door to her dorm and closed it as soon as she got it. Rory walked briskly to her room, as tears were forming quickly. She lay down on her bed and buried her face into a pillow.  
  
It wasn't so easy, she decided, to get over it.  
  
END  
  
A/N: Hope it wasn't too generic! Reviews greatly appreciated. 


End file.
